An updated version of this will appear in an upcoming anthology (2019)!
This one is from this past Tuesday’s Finish That Thought.
I was the runner up and my day has been made! I knew the naked jokes would pay off eventually…
The Wisdom of Spindles the Hedgehog
The postal worker showed up on Harry’s porch at the most inopportune time.
There is a law of the universe that dictates that one shall only receive important packages when one has just entered the shower and soaped up. Harry had just worked up a proper lather when the doorbell rang.
He was so surprised that he slipped and landed on his backside in the tub. His pride was the most severely injured, but he also pulled an old running injury (in the groin, naturally). He almost slipped again when he stood up, but managed to maintain his balance. That is, until he set his foot down on his hedgehog.
Spindles squeaked in terror and Harry screamed in reply. He jumped several feet in the air and stumbled into his kitchen. He grabbed onto something for support and realized he was clutching his mother’s antique teapot. He didn’t clutch it for long, as it slipped out of his grasp and shattered to a bazilliion pieces on the floor.
“This is not my day,” Harry said. The doorbell rang once more and Harry yanked open the front door.
The postal worker was just filling out the pick-up form. He nodded once and handed Harry the electronic signature device.
“Bit chilly out this morning, isn’t it?” he asked.
Harry looked down. His towel was long gone.
Stay calm, Harry, he told himself. Play it cool, like you meant to be naked. He almost struck a pose but decided it was best just to take his mail and shut the door.
“Well, Spindles, it’s finally here,” Harry said. He went and put on some pants before he grabbed a knife. There was another universal law about sharp things and nudity and he didn’t want to tempt fate further.
He tore into the package. Styrofoam peanuts flew left and right. He held aloft the contents so that he might see it better in the light.
It was a butterfly net.
Harry liked butterflies and was not opposed to a good frolic in the outdoors, but he’d been expecting a part to fix the motor of his supposed-to-be award-winning invention for the competition that evening. He checked the address on the box and saw that it was for two doors down.
“What am I going to do, Spindles?” Harry moaned.
The hedgehog had no good advice to give. You see, the last important law of the universe is that hedgehogs don’t speak English. Harry was going to have to figure this out on his own.
His robotic butterfly net did not win a prize, but it did catch the attention of a rather handsome spectator, who just so happened to enjoy dinner, and would he like to have dinner with Harry later that evening? Why, yes, he would.
“I guess all’s well that ends well,” Harry said, quoting his favourite law of the universe. The universe gave him the thumbs up, and back at home Spindles the hedgehog smiled.