A Plethora of Poor Decisions – Now Available!

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A PLETHORA OF POOR DECISIONS
And Other Tales of Misadventure

Dearest Raymond,
This letter must remain confidential. I will begin with Lord Bonbon’s confession.
“It’s not even a
good curse,” he said.

Is there a monster living in your garage? Is there a portal in your room you’d rather avoid? Do weddings fill you with ferocious feelings? Are you a spoiled former pop star who has lost your appeal? Are you on an ongoing quest to uncover buried treasure?

Good news: You’re not alone! (You should do something about that portal, though.)

In this dudetastic collection of shorts, hopeless characters make all the wrong choices – whether they realize it or not.

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Once Upun a Time – Now Available!

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Once Upun a Time
A Book of Puns and Other Nonsense

Do you like gripping tales of action and adventure? Are you fond of spooky science fiction? Does high fantasy float your boat, while low fantasy tickles your yacht? Well, good news – none of that is what you’ll find here!

This book includes:
An exclusive story set in The Dragon’s Toenail universe!
Zeus’ birthday party!
Appliances doing their duties!
The 1980s of the future!
Exclamation points!!!
And more!

Sit back, relax, and ready your eyes for rolling; this book has a little pun for everyone.

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Amazon.co.uk
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Once Upun a Time: The Cover!

Once Upun a Time will be available on December 1, 2015. (This holiday season, give the gift of laughter!!)

Once Upun a Time
Puns and Other Nonsense

Do you like gripping tales of action and adventure? Are you fond of spooky science fiction? Does high fantasy float your boat, while low fantasy tickles your yacht? Well, good news – none of that is what you’ll find here!

This book includes:
An exclusive story set in The Dragon’s Toenail universe!
Zeus’ birthday party!
Appliances doing their duties!
The 1980s of the future!
Exclamation points!!!
And more!

Sit back, relax, and ready your eyes for rolling; this book has a little pun for everyone.

And now, the cover…

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The cover was created by the supremely talented Ethaniel Ritchot. Why is it a fish, you ask? Why not read it and find out?

Dental Strike

From Micro Bookends.

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Dental Strike

“Fear is your enemy. We will succeed.”

“We’re gonna be swallowed,” JanJan whispered.

Maxine didn’t believe his statistics. Tonight, humans would win the war.

“When we’re inside aim for the gold,” the captain said. An ogre’s golden tooth was its weakness.

The experimental shrinking process succeeded. However, the troops hadn’t expected the sheer magnitude of the rancid smell. The fumes attacked the nervous system and rendered the human troops useless.

Their last line of defense had failed. The ogre’s bad breath had triumphed.

Maxine tried to catch JanJan but she couldn’t move. He tumbled down the ogre’s throat. Maxine’s scream was drowned by the shuttle’s explosion. Her body went flying.

*

The Dragon’s Toenail – Now Available!

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The Finnaly Trio Trilogy #1
The Dragon’s Toenail

When Teagan Finnaly’s girlfriend is kidnapped by slave traders, he demands to be allowed to go after her. Older brother Brogan, Knight of the King, leads the expedition through Hell and high water – and a dragon too.

With middle brother Kaylan, Teagan’s bodyguard Neal, and the handsome barkeeper Collin along for the ride, they must fight their way to Fragaria and rescue Ashlyn before it’s too late. All may not be as it seems, however, for as the chimera quoted to Brogan:

“When the dragon flies again, The Three shall unite and conquer all!”

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The Dragon’s Toenail – Cover Reveal!

THE DRAGON’S TOENAIL:

When Teagan Finnaly’s girlfriend is kidnapped by slave traders, he demands to be allowed to go after her. Older brother Brogan, Knight of the King, leads the expedition through Hell and high water – and a dragon too.

With middle brother Kaylan, Teagan’s bodyguard Neal, and the handsome bartender Collin along for the ride, they must fight their way to Fragaria and rescue Ashlyn before it’s too late. All may not be as it seems, however, for as the chimera quoted Brogan:

“When the dragon flies again, The Three shall unite and conquer all!”

Can Teagan defeat his clumsiness and survive the journey? Will Neal ever get a date? Will Brogan ever stop being so full of himself?

The answers to these questions, and more, in The Dragon’s Toenail; a book dedicated to making you laugh, groan, and roll your eyes. (Warning: It may or may not make you want a pet goblin.)

THE COVER:

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This gorgeous cover was designed by Ellustration (the mastermind behind my Holly Berries logo).  I freakin’ love orange! I’m also happy to reveal that there will be a few illustrations in the book, also by the talented Ethaniel.

Stay tuned for more The Dragon’s Toenail news!

Remember, the eight free chapters of The Dragon’s Toenail available on this blog will be gone on August 21, 2015. Editing has changed some of the minor details. Read ’em while they’re there!

The Hero of Night Town(‘s Disgruntled Sidekick)

Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenge this week is “Who the Fuck Is My D&D Character?” I was the bard in my D&D group for a number of years and recalled fondly a time when I wrote bad poetry and inside-joke-style fiction because of it.

The generator provided me with ample fuel:

“You think your character is cool? My character is a fucking adventurous Tiefling Fighter from a nocturnal town who always refers to inanimate objects as ‘shes.’”

Naturally, I couldn’t resist.

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The Hero of Night Town(‘s Disgruntled Sidekick)

“Hand her to me,” Hero said, waving his hand imperiously.

Hero’s half-orc companion grunted and lifted the barmaid by one ankle.

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