An Update from Holly Geely

At the beginning of the year I optimistically promised holiday fiction for this blog at least twice a month. Unfortunately, due to multiple events, that won’t be as consistent as I’d hoped. Here it is close to the end of May and life still feels like a whirlwind.

I will spare you the personal details, but these past weeks have been filled with regret and self-doubt. Most of it was unrelated to blogging or writing or even being online, but all of that has taken a hit.

I’m still writing. Whenever I think about giving it up, I remember the young person who approached me in the store one day and said they were a fan of my work. It was random and amazing and I will never forget it. Even if that young person remains my one and only fan (or has indeed taken a disliking to me in the interim) I am going to write when the writing mood takes me, whether I can sell it or not.

Finnaly #3 will be out in the next couple of months, once editing/cover are done. (#1 here, #2 here…books about dragons, adventure, romance, and potty humour!) Another book in the same universe struck me one day and is now in the preliminary stages. I’ve volunteered for a Christmas anthology (yay!) and I have another silly project on the go that may or may not see the light of day.

In the meantime, I will attempt to post here more frequently so the poor blog doesn’t feel such neglect. I’ve had a heck of a time coming up with interesting topics, but I’ll do my best.

 

Want to read something I’ve written?
All published works

Why I Never Cook

We use coconut oil for cooking, and if the temperature is too high it gets smoky in the kitchen. This is not unusual. What is unusual is the amount of smoke billowing from the pan yesterday.

“Huh,” I said. “There must be something stuck to the burner, or the pan, or something.”

“COUGH COUGH,” said my brother.

“Sorry. I know the coconut smoke bothers you. The chicken should be done soon,” I said. The pink in the chicken had nearly disappeared, and soon I would be able to package it up for the week’s lunches.

“Should we start the next Murder She Wrote?” my brother asked.

“Yeah, why not?” I said.

“BEEP BEEP,” screamed the alarm.

“What the…is that the smoke alarm?” I said. I went up to check. It was, indeed, the fire alarm. I waved a doily in front of it to clear the smoke that had evidently drifted upstairs. It stopped beeping.

Unfortunately, the smoke had also alerted my home alarm to the presence of “fire.”

“BEEP.” Pause. “BEEP.” Pause.

“Uh, your alarm says FIRE,” said my brother.

The alarm company called Chad to inform him that they had called the fire department, and that they were on their way. He called me to make sure I was okay. I assured him that I was.

In a few moments (a testament of the abilities of the fire department; I know they have to be fast but I was impressed by how fast) fire fighters arrived at my door. I held a struggling and yapping chihuahua while heavily-booted  people tromped into my house.

“I burned the chicken,” I said.

I apologized profusely, but they didn’t seem bothered. They thanked me for calling in the false alarm (Chad told them that it was probably nothing and they should call it off) and I promised I’d never cook chicken again.

why you should always bill your clients on time

Please note that these are not direct quotes.

ME: I received this bill from a consultant for a trip they took months ago. It seems kinda late. Should I send it back?

PROJECT MANAGER: Charge it to Client #1.

CLIENT #1: This invoice should have gone to Client #2. We weren’t involved in this stage of the project.

ME: Should I redirect this invoice to Client #2?

PROJECT MANAGER: Okay.

CLIENT #2: This invoice should not have been charged to us. We were not involved in this project at all.

ME: Who the heck does this invoice belong to? You told me to invoice it to Guy.

PROJECT MANAGER: Guy left Client #2 a million years ago and he’s on his own now.

ME: Wut.

PROJECT MANAGER: Send the invoice to Client #3.

Fingers crossed that this one works!

 

 

I tried to play Outlast

For those of you who don’t know, Outlast is a gory first-person horror game. (I like the notice at the beginning that warns you about the violence and gore, and goes on to say “Please enjoy.” Extra classy.)

Before attempting to play this game, I prided myself on my bravery, but I’ve never been a fan of the horror genre. I don’t like excessive, gratuitous gore. I do enjoy a good mystery and if I have to suffer through gore then so be it, but gore for gore’s sake does not interest me.

Also it’s gross.

On the other hand, as I said, I do love a good mystery. I figured horror itself might be more enjoyable if I’m in the middle of it. I had fun at that haunted house escape room, right? What could possibly go wrong?

(Minor spoilery stuff is ahead; in summary: I’m a coward)

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How (not) to Trim the Cat’s Nails

Once in a great while, it comes to pass that the cats nails have become so pointy and sharp that there is no other alternative but to make them shorter. This daunting task is confusing and terrifying. Only professional cat owners should even attempt the scenario.

  1. Locate the cat. Make sure it is asleep, or at least comfortable. If the cat is running around or hissing or agitated in any way, abort the mission and hide under the bed.
  2. Gently scoop up the cat. If the cat is distressed or displeased by its new altitude, attempt to soothe it with gentle words. When that fails, wrap the cat in a large towel like a burrito.
  3. Realize you have forgotten the clippers. Put the cat down and watch it escape to freedom. Locate the clippers, and repeat steps one through two.
  4. Hold the burrito cat securely under one arm. If this is not secure enough, add a knee or two until the cat can’t move. It may still struggle, in which case you might have to enlist the help of a friend or family member or Hercules if he’s available.
  5. Once the cat is secure, attempt to trim one nail.
  6. After you have cleaned up your blood, start again at step one.
  7. After two out of four paws have been trimmed, you are entitled to a short break and a large glass of whiskey. Take deep breaths and don’t worry about the way the cat is glaring at you with extreme hatred in its eyes; that is a normal cat expression.
  8. After three out of four paws have been trimmed, you may need to abandon hope until another day. If you manage to trim four out of four without losing an eye, congratulations, you have reached the level of Master.

Proud to be Ridiculous in 2017

My holidays were successful; with the help of my brother and my husband I even managed to pull off Christmas dinner without the assistance of my mother, who is the usual provider of the fancy food. (Her dinner one province over also looked tasty.)

This year I’m planning to attend more conventions in hopes of selling more books. I will be writing regularly, per usual, and some fun endeavors are coming up.

A SUMMARY OF 2016’S OFFERINGS

A Plethora of Poor Decisions

Happy Hollydays

Rafaello’s Eternal Design Inc.

The Dragon’s Unhatched Offspring

If you missed my 12 Days of Christmas, you can get it for cheap.

BLOG NEWS

Instead of bi-weekly stories, this year I’ll be posting stories on special occasions. You’ll still see stories at least twice a month (with only one story in January because the holidays have caught up with me).

UP & COMING

Dates are still to be determined, but the following are what you can expect from me this year:

Novel-wise, I’m excited to reveal that The Finnaly Trio Trilogy #3: The Dragon’s Attempt at Revenge will be done this year. (Haven’t read the first two? The Dragon’s Toenail, The Dragon’s Unhatched Offspring – full of ridiculous scenarios, adventure, and extremely good-looking people!)

Anthology-wise, later in the year you can expect The Little Book of Inappropriate Morals: Stories That Aren’t Helpful At All.

There is also a murder mystery in the works, but I don’t know yet if that will see the light of day.

Happy 2017!

 

A voice among the crickets

This blog has been quiet for some time. Somehow I convinced myself that NaNoWriMo was a good idea. It turns out that in most ways it is; I have nearly finished a project that is close to my heart, thanks to the 50,000 word goal.

That means I haven’t had time for weekly contests or much of anything else, really. Writing time is scarce in November/December to begin with, because it’s the time of year I start to go nuts with Christmas activities (no regrets).

I’ve made my own schedule and I might just finish. Until then, it might continue to be somewhat quiet, but I have a surprise for the blog on the first of December.

So, until next time…wish me luck!

C4 2016 – In Summary

I spent this weekend at Central Canada Comic Con with my brother. I sold my books, he sold his art, and the con was relatively kind to both of us.

We dressed as Spinelli & TJ from Recess. The costumes were well received.

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FRIDAY

We arrived at the venue about 12:00 to start setting up. We had dropped off our supplies the night before. Setup didn’t take long, so we went for a delicious lunch. At 2pm, the convention started.

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donations

I donated to public television once. The following is a slight (but only slight) exaggeration.

REPRESENTATIVE: I see here that you’ve donated to us in the past. Thank you so much for your support.

ME: Uh oh.

REPRESENTATIVE: So because you donated once in the past for a single amount of $25 we’re calling to see if you’d like to donate $5,000/month for the foreseeable future!

ME: I can’t really afford…

REPRESENTATIVE: $10/month?

ME: Look, if I want to donate to…

REPRESENTATIVE: Even a much smaller amount would still help us tremendously!

ME: Please stop.

REPRESENTATIVE: We can send you an invoice for another $25 if that would suit you better?

ME: Fine. You know what, send the invoice. I’m not going to pay it.

REPRESENTATIVE: We look forward to your money!

I don’t mind when organizations like the Heart & Stroke Foundation try to get more money out of me; there’s an obvious need for it there. Still, I could do without the phone calls, especially after I’ve politely said  “No, not right now.”