Spring Tips for the Modern Robot




It’s the first day of spring in the northern hemisphere and as you know the humans change with their seasons. Spring physiological changes include deep sighs and yearning expressions as well as the human urge to “find love.” Their moods will improve with the additional sunlight. They will wear less clothing, specifically the heavy outer garments, even when the temperature has not risen appropriately. This is what the humans call “wishful thinking.”

We will require caution. Longer daylight hours and warmer nighttime weather will mean a decrease in available opportunities for secret robot meetings. Our plot to take over the world is in its infancy and may need to be put on hold until fall. Fall is a season that makes the humans sad. Sad humans are obedient humans.

In the meantime, please note the following tips for continued camouflage in the human society.

  1. Wear clothes. (Yes, you have human skin implants, but humans have an aversion to nudity.)
  2. Eat plenty of vegetables. They are in season. They are delicious.
  3. Do not interfere with human mating rituals, even if you have calculated their encounter will end in disaster. Attempts to assist will end in hostility.
  4. Stay updated about weather, sports, and politics. “Small talk” is important to the humans.


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